weakness and grace

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting.
– James 1: 2-6

Sorry for the long blogging hiatus. Studying for my medical long case exam this coming Saturday has left me feeling worn & tired to the point where all of it seems futile. and endless. joy? i have long forgotten how that feels like.

Don’t get me wrong. I love medicine (and internal med > surgery) but still; getting to year 5 and realising that I have not gone that much far from where I have first started, and yet spent the last 4 years laboring at, is pretty disheartening.

But I still do thank God for reminding me of how great my weakness, is how great His grace.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  
– 2 Corinthians 12:9

Maybe one day when I figure out how great is His grace amidst the trial, then I will be able to experience joy in Him, that no one/circumstance will be able to take away.

 

how do you spell that again

am thoroughly enjoying my paediatrics attachment! although honestly I find paediatrics really hard and it feels like a subspecialty in medicine to me.

today in the wards, besides a classical case of childhood nephrotic syndrome, there were no other “simple” cases. there was a langerhans cell histiocytosis patient with chemotherapy completed under remission, admitted for suspected diabetes insipidus. there was a glycogen storage disease type 1 patient. a quadriplegic spastic cerebral palsy patient. yesterday there was a patient with mucopolysaccharidoses @@@@@

when the paeds consultant quizzed me about the lab results for GSD 1, I was just lost for words. i knew nothing else besides that it causes hepatomegaly (the liver was very large. like 6-7 cm below the costal margin) and so my homework today was to look it up and she would further quiz me tomorrow.

and i should prep cerebral palsy too.

Thank God for choosing this path for me! Seriously, despite not knowing 129082357240 things in medicine, there is still this passion to work, work, work! and i will know more tomorrow (although i will forget more too ><)

may all glory go to You. ❤

Love this song by the way. esp the “I am learning how to die” part.

Better Things – JJ Heller

I have a story
That is only mine to tell
I don’t want to make believe
I just need to be myself

I have a mission
That is only mine to fill
Fear may try to blind my eyes
But it can never break my will

There are far far better things ahead
Than what I leave behind
Will you help me find my way

I’m on a journey
I’m losing who I used to be
I am learning how to die
It’s changing every part of me

There are far far better things ahead
Than what I leave behind
Will you help me find my way
[x3]